Do we really forgive and forget?

Had a dream last night, not one of good but one of disturbing. Dreamt that a father figure told my boyfriend that I'm not a good girlfriend and that I'm a hindrance to his success. When i woke up i can't help but wonder, am i a girlfriend material?

In my life i had numerous number of 'guy-friends' and an official of 4 boyfriends. The first one was one that was the sweetest but also the most painful to remember. Took me 5 years to finally gotten a closure...or have i? The ripple effect of the relationship seems to pass on from one to another. From the second to the third, third to the fourth it just didn't work out until this current one. It seems perfect and it feels that I've forgotten the past experiences.

We've been together for 3 years, in between we had a short break before we came back together. Logic says we should be stronger and the bond should be better, but is that true? Have i forgave myself for causing the break due to my infidelity?

Aftering taking a break and playing with my cat (the white one) who is also alone for the day as her brother(the brown one) was out at a friend's place, a thought dawn on to me. Was the dream a reflection of my own fears? If it is how do i go about conquering that? I dont see myself as a very bad person but neither have i seen myself as a great person. Then it stuck me, that inorder to overcome this ordeal the answer is simple. Just face it. But man if that word 'fear' a scary face.

I realise a need to confront a side of me i've been hiding all his while. A vunerable side which i've seal since my first relationship. To put myself out there and feel once again which it means to give..forgive...and forget. I should not allow the past from pulling me back and devouring that sensitive side of me. It time to pull away and step in the present, preparing to run towards the future which i've always wanted.

For a New Year, i think thats a great start. I'm sory dear, for being unfair to you all these time.
)(what do you think? |